There Are No Words

There simply are no words to describe the Cardinals loss on Sunday. I will say one thing: If you have a suicidal friend, don’t bring him to a Cardinals game, because he will want to end it all by the end of the game. Or maybe after watching this typical debacle, he will realize his life doesn’t suck so bad after all. The only positive thing about Sunday is I gave my housekeeping-phobic wife a choice between going to the Cardinals game and staying home to clean. Thanks to the sad sorry freak show that is frequently a Cardinals Sunday, she chose to stay at home and now I have a clean house.

There must be some sort of metamorphosis that happens to all Cardinals coaching staff the minute the Bidwills hire them, which causes them to lose their minds and all common sense. Whisenhunt must be the only coach in NFL history to not be able to get his kicker on the field for a chip shot before the play clock runs out. I realize he is a new head coach, but in the NFL you must be on top of every play. These are athletically gifted young players who have never won anything in the NFL, and if they don’t perform you have to get someone who will. (Is that “Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Hey, Good-bye” I hear playing every time the I hear the name Neil ‘13 for 20' Rackers?)

Happy Veteran’s Day – The New Cardinal Way!!

By Beandipdodg

Watching Waves of Joy and Glory, We Saluted Our Veterans of Past and Present Wars With a Cardinal Win over the Wishful Wions!! Coach W gets another W and KWarner survives another Week. But, Bertrand Berry and Adrian Wilson are definitely out indefinitely... Anquan Boldin Will not be too hip, either, so the upcoming game in Bengalton will require a full team effort from the very beginning!! Again, the Cardinals continue to present every opponent, home or away, with the Urgently Mandatory Initial Series Turnover (UMIST)! Unfortunately, this time, the defense had no chance. Maybe that’s the new Cardinal Way to get everybody excited, including the fans!!! They shouted as if they Were Waiting for a Boo concert!!! But, it Worked! The team’s energy Was totally elevated to command level!! Without a Wion’s Whimper, We Won!!

Never too many W’s!! Get it?? Well, after the Carolina Panther debacle, Bartender Al and I discussed What We could do to ensure a Cardinal Win this Week. We began by inviting WionfanMark, as Seattle Bob was absent!! We even Wondered about changing recipes!! But, the Weather Would be Warm, so We stuck With the Beandip and Hot Wings on the Dashboard of the really Cool Vehicle with Suds chillin’ in the Icy Cooler!! WoWW!! All Worked Well! Then, We Were off to the Nest!! Grandpa Mombo made his first appearance, joining Mombo Jerry with Good NeWs!! KidCraig is back from Iraq and could be attending before the season ends!! Welcome back, Kid, and thank you for your job Well Done!!! Please be ready to have lots of fun because that is Cardinal Rule 1!! Especially after the game!! The Beandip and Hot Wings on the Dashboard Were still Warm, While the Suds Were still chillin’ in the Icy Cooler…it was a party!! Finally, at the end of the day, all Was gone and a neW route Was the only real change to our habitual pregame ritual! But, We Won!!!!

Wistfully, We Will still be in the playoff hunt upon return Thanksgiving Weekend. We resume our Home schedule against the San 49’ers. Cleveland, Atlanta and St. Louis loom later! We should Win each of them!!! After this Week, the only road games are against Seattle and New Orleans. We look like a Winning football team against Detroit and Pittsburgh, but vs. Tampa Bay, it’s still the Same Old Cardinals!! So, Which Will it be?? Without a UMIST, We Will Willfully Watch a Win Without Weathering Woebegone Wonders at Cincinnati!! Remember, Coach, never too many W’s!!! Go Cardinals!!!!

One For Guantanamo

After another miserable Sunday I had a sudden revelation: Hey, being forced to watch Cardinal games could be an activity added to the Guantanamo Bay Bag O’ Tricks. For those people who object to water-boarding, I’d like to suggest replacing the technique with strapping detainees to boards and saturating them with Cardinal games. We could single handedly wipe out terrorism with a month of Sundays.

Though I might consider watching the Cardinals torture, I still found myself on my ten- year-anniversary trip, with my wife, in San Diego, at a sports bar, watching the Cardinals lose yet again. I think I stunned the bar owner when I asked him if he could turn one of the twelve TVs to the Cardinal game, but he did it. And I stayed there the whole time, watching a slow death. At half time I had hoped to see the team make some adjustments—boy, was I wrong! Maybe Whisenhunt and his coaches need to learn the definition of adjustments: Make changes at halftime and try something different. For instance, Tampa Bay was playing a 2 deep zone—Cardinals should have thrown the short 5 yard passes down the middle to the tight end and not to Michael Urban who cannot catch the ball in traffic. Warner was throwing the ball into double and triple coverage and acting like a rookie. He should have thrown the ball away—after all, this was only Tampa Bay they were playing.

The defense played well enough to win the game, but they did have some flashbacks to years past. For example, Tampa Bay drove for a score on the opening drive of the second half. Didn’t Whisenhunt have any words of wisdom for them in the locker room at half time?

There was one shining moment last Sunday at the sports bar in San Diego. Unfortunately, it did not occur on my screen, nor on the screen for the Chargers fans, who did not have much better of a Sunday. No, the one moment that united the bar and brought everyone to their feet occurred on the screen showing the 350 pound Detroit Lion Shaun Rogers lumbering 66 yards with an intercepted ball. He was knocking Bronco offensive players to the side like paper dolls, before diving into the end zone like it was a day at the beach. The Charger fans and I, for lack of anything to hope for in our respective games, all stood and cheered. But though he was the hero for the moment, the Cardinals play the Lions this week, and the Broncos humiliation one week could very well be ours this week.