Cardinal Rule #1: Have a Good Time!!!!

By Beandipdodg

After years of being a Cardinal season ticket holder, I have discovered the secret - Don’t watch the game!!

Oh, that may be a little harsh. But the point is to enjoy the day, despite risking misery just by being there.

The purpose of this article shall be to inspire the readers to overcome all odds and HAVE FUN!!!

In the beginning, there was Bartender Al, convincing me to purchase a seat that was available next to him at Sun Devil stadium. You see, he and Seattle Bob had seats in front of Mombo Jerry and Mamba Cath. My seat would be in front of LS, who always had a different guest. Ah, the old days in Tempe….meet at Bandersnatch and hit the Library and Fat Tuesday’s on the way out. It was easy to have a great day!

As a group, we were able to relocate our tickets and sit together in the stadium, but, our parking passes are not in the same universe. So, the meeting place is now our seats and we have to adjust!

Have you had this experience????? Well, this one’s for you!!!!!

Bartender Al, Seattle Bob and I work with great vigor to hook up with other friends, the Spots, who park in the same lots before each game. Pre-drive coordination is very important because the Spots are in the lots early and we want share foam, fixings and futile dreams of victory. Yep, they have sweet suite seats and leave the spot in the lot long before we are ready. So, after leaving them, we traverse a lot to rendezvous with the HomerMotors! No Bars Holed!!! This is the way to go!!!! It is difficult to get the big rig to stop, but there is a place for them and we have their number. Proper preparation allows us to bring a significant amount of foam and fixings, so that we do not feel guilty eating and drinking everything they’ve got!!! Moreover, we have a standing invitation! We can stay as long as we are standing. Handy after the game!!

But, let’s get to the action. Hey, did you take your souvenir beer cup home last game? Well, here is a true opportunity to give back. Use them as the WalkInContainer and throw them away upon entering the gates.

Really!! This is not a Clog in the Blog!!! Just Do It!!

Our First Game (or FEW) will be hot!!! Hot! Hot! Hot! So, get inside and get a beverage. Wait, I have to go to the bathroom. GRRREAT BEER!! OK, let’s go! No food necessary, we have the major food groups right in the cup. Now, let’s get to our seats. Hello, Mombo Jerry and Mamba Cath!! They are always there early!! Just like your Ma and Pa. Let’s chat and sip and sip and chat until the arrival of LS and guest.

All hands are on deck. Remember my opening advice. Be disciplined. You can’t win the game in the first quarter. This is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. Save your strength. Don’t panic. Take deep breaths and turn to the person beside you and talk about another game or team or anything. It is not too early to hunker down and finish your first foam. Just, DON’T WATCH THE GAME!! You may increase the inherent risk of total loss of the fun that has been accumulating for 4 hours!! So, DON’T WATCH THE GAME!!

Again, this may be a little harsh, but you never know when THE THEORY OF THE CARDINAL PLAY shall become a reality. Now, to be fair, I did see Gabe Watson recover a fumble way downfield that obliterated an attempted CARDINAL PLAY during the preseason. So, I could be wrong. Feeling lucky??

N ot Me, Man. I have already left the planet for another cup of foam. The view is good all over the stadium. Like knowing the flowers from the trees, or whatever. You can always go back, but it’s never the same. If the Cardinals were ahead…..Hut, Hut, Move the Chains, Move the Chains, Move the Chains, MOVE!! Lots and Lots of Sots are in front of me at the Foam Stand and in the aisle on my way back to the future. Even I have difficulty drinking without spilling, so patrons in front of me should always be alert!!!

Bartender Al, Seattle Bob and I have worked together for years and do not need to signal each other because we know the other will be there and ready to vacate aforementioned planet before halftime to face the masses with flasks and glasses and get quickly in line for Foam and Food. When you acquire more experience, you know not to eat and drink. There will be time for all that later. Hey, Souvenir cup time!!

Ideally, we have returned to the planet in time to chat further with Mombo Jerry and Mamba Cath, as well as, LS and guest. But, there is no place like home and we have yet to determine a post-game meeting place.
So, we shake our heads and smile and BOOM!! It’s time for the Second Half. Now, we’re halfway home!!

No, we’re not there yet. Talk, sip your suds, something….but, DO NOT WATCH THE GAME!!!! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER! You can’t win the game in the 3^rd quarter either, but are we close???? Yeah, we’re getting there. But, first, REMEMBER: THIS IS THE LAST CALL FOR ALCOHOL!!!! Repeat exercise from the end of the first half and you too can sip suds for the REST OF THE GAME!!

So, now, is it time?? Not by a long shot. Speaking of long shots, if the CARDINAL PLAY has not occurred yet, it is not a long shot that it will happen soon. Can you say RAMS? How about Da’ BEARS?? Need I say more? Well, then I will. “It ain’t over until it’s over” is a famous phrase coined by Yogi Berra. Truth be told, the original comment was made after a loss to the Giants when a Cardinal victory fell into the jaws of defeat. But, a member of the Bidwell family was the only person to hear it and the rest is history.

But, we are Cardinal fans and we’ll wait in the stands until our ship comes in. This means that we will be there when Marcel Shipp plays. Suddenly, it arrives: THE END OF THE GAME!!! Kind of like hide and seek, you can come out now!! Yes, if the Last Play is the First Play you watch, you will probably be pretty happy. It’s like the Phoenix Open (oh, shush, I know it’s the FBR). The less golf you see, the more fun!!!!

Did we Win?? Did you have a Good Time?? Which is the question and which is the illusion???

Who cares, Elvis has left the building and they’re telling us to get out, too. Don’t forget the Souvenir Cup!!

So what if the Spots have left the parking lots. We’re still standing!!!!! To the HomerMotors we go!!!!!!

But, autumn leaves must fall and the security guard is telling us not to stall, it’s time to pack up our fixings.

We have had a GREAT TIME!! But, did we Win?? Like dust in the wind, it’s déjà vu all over again.

Check out my other column for weekly recipes that will make you welcome everywhere!!